My name is Jo and I am 62 years of age. I grew up in a very loving close family, father, mother, sister and brother.

I cannot remember a time when I didn't at least know about Jesus. My mother sent me at an early age to Bible schools during the summer. But I didn't actually accept Him until I was in my teen age years. I put Him on a shelf though and dusted Him off every once in awhile.

I married and had 5 children and after my fifth child was born I rededicated my life to the Lord. I began to be active in a local church and was seeking more of Him. I knew who God was, who Jesus was, but did not know who the Holy Spirit was. I began asking the Lord to tell me who He was.

One Sunday morning we were going forward to receive communion a pew at a time and we were singing "Just As I Am". As I waited our turn I closed my eyes and began singing it with my whole heart to Him when I felt His arms envelop me and I was so lost in His love. I was stunned for days. It was like a daze of wonder. I would be singing to a song on the radio and fall on the floor. When I would pray I would start making strange sounds. I had no idea what was happening. I thought my tongue was being tangled.

Finally I met a girl and told her what was happening. She explained to me that I had received the "Baptism of the Holy Spirit". I had never heard of it before, but I knew that it was real and I walked very closely with Him for about 6 years.

Then everything started to unravel in my life. My husband and I were not getting along. We fought all the time. My children were in trouble, two were expelled from school and daughter pregnant at 16, and then I got the news that my father had two weeks to live. He had been in the hospital for some time with cancer, but I did not know how bad it was.

My husband totally deserted me emotionally at that time. Although he had arranged for me to go and see my father I was terrified. And he would leave when I would say I was afraid. I could only picture kissing my father goodbye and never seeing him again.

I asked the Lord how to pray and He told me He was taking him home. So we prayed He would take him while I was there. And He did. However it was awful. Was in strife with my mother whose nerves were shot. My father was suffering so much they had to give him a lot of morphine so he was not conscious very much. And the last two days not at all.

Then my aunt, who had come from another state and had been with my mother for 3 months, received word that her little dog had died two days after my father had passed away. It was all she had and she was heartbroken.

At that point I became so angry at God. I told Him if that is what it was like to be a Christian, if my marriage wouldn't heal, my children couldn't behave and He would take the only thing that she had away I didn't want anything to do with Him. To get out of my life and stay out.

My marriage finally ended after the first month and my husband told me I would be alone and no one would ever want me. He told me I was too fat and too ugly. I began to drink and it became a nightly thing to get drunk and forget my pain. I had left my husband and children because I couldn't handle the verbal abuse. I still visited my children every week. They were all teenagers except the youngest who was 11. And the things that happened around my fathers death were deeply painful.

As well as drinking I became involved with men. I had one relationship after another. They were short lasting. I was trying to prove I was desirable to men I guess. I did a lot of things that I hated, but was unable to stop. My Christian friends prayed for me and encouraged me by telling me that God loved me and I would be ok. They never condemned me. If they had I would have run. But they knew the pain I had. But I know their prayers are what kept me through this time.

One day a girl came into work and told me about the new pastor of the church I had attended off and on for years. I wanted to go, but was so afraid God would scold me and not accept me. I was a drunk and I was involved with men. And I had told Him to get out.

Finally one Sunday I got up the courage and I went. The first words out of the Pastors mouth was "Have you ever failed God? I'm not talking about the little everyday failures, I am talking about the big ones. Do you have a problem with alcohol and sex?" I could have fallen out of my pew. It was like he was speaking directly to me. His sermon was on Romans 8:1 "There is therefore now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. And His forgiveness of our sins. I cried thru the whole service. Because I knew then that He loved me and was waiting for me to come back to Him. I went forward at the altar call and asked for forgiveness. He began to heal me at that time.

It was still a year before I was able to give up the alcohol completely. And then He healed me of the pain that had begun it. The night my father died, my mother lost it with me, all her nerves blew and she took it out on me. She told me my father didnt know that I loved him. That broke my heart because I adored my father.

I was my friends house one night and while we were praying the Lord told me almost audibly that my father knew that I loved him and how much. Tears of healing began and from that day forward I was free of the alcohol and men.

He forgave, He healed, He restored.

He showed His great love and compassion and took this broken vessel and made it whole again. I will forever praise His name. For He is worthy.

My children were restored to me. They are still suffering the effects of all that happened before my husband and I divorced, but I do know that God has them and they will be saved. With God there is always a second chance. He can do anything. There is nothing that He cant do and I praise Him everyday for His love and mercy.

Jo Pulliam

www.JesusLovesOnline.Com